Walked to eat my dinner today. Ate an icecream. And maybe some other stuffs. It was, a long walk. yeah, The pavement was empty today, surprisingly. And things were so, quiet. I lagged behind my mum and my little sister yeah. was Thinking.

Exams. Stressed? Not really. Kinda, normal? But nevertheless, screwed up my head, didn't it?
Shit, My logic isn't working anymore. I'm no longer thinking as right as i usually do am I. The papers that I've had, English, I screwed that. The compre was horrible wasn't it. Science, Oh C'mon, however much i think and pray that I'll get an A, I won't. Its nearly Impossible shit. Chinese paper one? I FINISHED IT IN AN HOUR. If i do well, It'd be a miracle. Because i wrote crap. Lit. Don't even want to think about it.

And exams are screwing my brain. Because i'm no longer THINKING with it. I'm just following whatever impulse says. SHIT. Ain't a good thing. I say everything that comes to mind, Even if it is just for fun. SHIT. I understand what people mean by brain-dead. URGH. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. No it wasn't. Not at all. Impulse tells me to take a knife? I take it. Impulse tells me to walk in front of that oh-so-nice white car, just to stain it with my blood? I walk up. Impulse tells me to freaking just talk crap? I say it, out loud. Fuck. What the hell? That's not even a good thing! URGHH. Everything's getting so hard to understand lately. I feel as if something's squeezing the life out of me.

Everything hurts 10 times worse. It feels like someone got a grip on my heart. And it hurts. it hurts so much. SHIT. Its not going away. All this thoughts came, And i was still walking towards my dinner. OH HELL. I didn't know what I should have been thinking. And i kinda forced myself to block everything out. But there's something with me, I can't commit to anything can i? Sigh, i can't even think what impulse has done to me. Everything's just a huge mess. Which i find comfort in right now. Weirdly. I figured I'd have fainted repeating everything I've said in my head. But i didn't. Great. Ha. Ha. Ha. It isn't who I am. People should know that. And what have i been thinking? SHIT STUFF. SHIT. I couldn't think much the whole day.

I still can't.

But that walk cleared most of my mind. And this time, I swear, I'll fix everything that I've done these few days. I will. I will. If only i could. Sigh. Repeating Face Down in your ear, Does help. More than i expected. It made me feel less, hurt. SHIT. I stopped crying since thursday. I forced myself not to. Tears are given way to too much. Its time to stop Harriet.
I did.
But now everything's coming back. The hurt, the pain, the thoughts, the memories. All over again, its coming back. SHIT. What am i going to do? Nothing apparently. Ouch.
Someone just hit me with a car why don't they. PLEASE. I beg of you people. PLEASE.
I'm still scared. I know what I'm capable of. I know what I can do. I know.
And that scares me somemore. I don't have that self discipline. I don't have so much power over me. And thanks to exams, I have even less control over myself.
I suck thankyou.
SHITSHITSHIT.
I shall just scream and cry myself to sleep tonight.
Where's your friends when you reallyreally need them?
Not here that's for sure.

I THANK RUIQI FOR MAKING ME SMILE, alittle.
ILOVEHANRU. <3
she cheered me up alot(:

its time to face the truth, I will never be with you
And as Pearlyn would say, the heart never lies

FACE DOWN HAS NOW BEATEN COLD AS YOU IN ONE DAY FOR THE NUMBER OF PLAYS. 205 plays in a day, I'm just Brilliant.

'FACE DOWN'
Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
Say your right again
Heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
Its coming round again.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

i don't like what I'm thinking, because, its weirdd.
and nowadays, everything seems abit too weird.
seriously.
Haha, ah well.
I can't wait(:

HARRIET